Whenever I meet a person who is obsessed with self-help books, I could not help but ask why?
Why would you want to mold yourself by someone’s way of doing things?
The most frequently read articles and the bestseller self-help books are clear, straight to the point and exactly tells us what to do and what not to do.
They do not keep on scribbling about what complex feelings we as a human feels or goes through instead they are pretty rational, logical and instructional.
More and more articles that are being published nowadays do not concentrate on feelings and grey areas anymore.
They revolve around How To, What to, Yes to guides. Only the black and whites.
It is because people are preferring not to listen to their feelings anymore. They are starting to ignore them because they say “Feelings are complex because we feel them inside and they change all the time”.
It is hard to make decisions based on emotions.
People want to make good decisions because we have more choices to choose from compared to the past. And emotions make the process of making decisions even more complex and difficult.
To sum it up, feelings seems to be getting out of fashion.
Feelings are complex and that is why more and more people are choosing not to read about them anymore.
People want simplicity.
People want to catharsis, and to get rid of complex feelings. Simple steps to a simple and a happy life.
I have always felt strongly about self-help books.
I would often hunt for strange books that can make someone tear off their hair asking why and what?
Self-help books always seemed shallow to me as if they were destroying the magic of books.
Someone from the pages tells me to do certain things, to think a certain way and not to make mistakes.
I could hear the pages screaming; Mistakes shall not pass!
On the other hand, my mindset is (was) molded in a way assuming mistakes are inevitable if one wants to grow because that is what the popular culture teaches us. Great and good things come out of struggles, mistakes, and failures.
I used to think we need mistakes as much as we need to hit rock bottom at least once in our lifetime.
Then I started hitting rock bottom. Hitting it one after another and it started to feel like an unending circle.
The tricky part of hitting the bottom is that it is confusing to differentiate between if it is actually the rock bottom or if is it simply because of how I feel about a situation that is simply bad.
There is a specific feeling that comes with hitting the rock bottom. A feeling of everything might get even worse. I often wondered what else could be under the rock bottom if it is the rock bottom.
Then I realized I was not looking up because of all the feelings crushing its weight on me.
That feeling, that everything might get even worse feeling grinds you down to the bottom more, holds you down and does not let you climb up.
So, I want you to imagine a pit.
You fell, and you are at the bottom. Suddenly there is a flood. Water starts pouring down.
It starts to rain.
The flood and the rain are your feelings trying to sink you in a pit before you get out of there and you start to drown in it.
I realized when you are at the bottom listening to your feelings takes you down more and it drowns you.
Instead, doing something and ignoring those feelings lift you up. It sounds like a simple solution but for a person who adores complexity, concentrating on those complex feelings makes it worse.
So instead of asking and wondering “Why do I feel like this?” and wasting your energy to come up with a solution that will fix your feelings concentrate on the doing.
Take an action.
Feelings that follow a bad situation will suffocate you. Ignore them and start creating.
Even though feelings are important and complex literary works and creative arts that last bloom from it they also have the power to drown you.
Sometimes, to learn we do not need mistakes or to hit the rock bottom. We need the process of learning and moving on.
Or else simply to heal.